The REEL Addict 

David Duchovny, THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE
If you like actors infusing the characters they play with comatose like indifference, then David Duchovny in the recent X-FILES film may just be your thing. Seriously, look up “phoning it in” or “doing it for the money” or “doing it for online porn fees” (too soon?) in the Film Encyclopedia and you’ll see a picture of Duchovny in this film. He gave us a hollow, emotionless, humorless, soulless Mulder. In other words, not Mulder at all.

John Hannah, THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR
You know how some actors’ performances just steal whatever scene they are in? Well, sometimes there are performances that make you wish somebody would steal them right out of the movie. John Hannah in THE MUMMY 3 was one a case of that. Admittedly, in many ways this was more the fault of the writers writing the character, mainly because they turned an already barely tolerable goofball into an ingratiating, useless, painful punch line. Nevertheless, John Hannah could have passed on the role, and he didn’t, so he’s at least somewhat culpable. I mean really, who volunteers (well, volunteers to get paid) to have fake Yak vomit thrown all over them? Besides Laurence Olivier, no one.

Mark Wahlberg, THE HAPPENING
I like Wahlberg, but in THE HAPPENING it just seemed like he never connected with the material or the character, both because of his own initiative and some pretty poor directing on M. Night Shyamalan’s part. You know you’re in trouble when someone’s performance actually manages to be more wooden and awkward than (SPOILER) than its killer tree concept.

Gary Cole/Rosie Perez, PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
Even though PINEAPPLE EXPRESS is meant to be a gentle spoof of buddy action flicks, the humor and satire was always pretty low-key. Gary Cole and Rosie Perez didn’t seem to quite be in synch with that as all of their scenes (and their performances in them) were just weirdly over-the-top. It was satire run amuck, which can be funny, but not when it’s highly inconsistent with the tone of the rest of the movie.

Dwayne Johnson, GET SMART
(SPOILERS for this and DOOM) If there’s one thing The Rock should never, ever play, is a villain. Just like in DOOM, he was doing fine until the villain twist, and then it’s like you’ve been hit with a duplex (I think that’s a wrestling move) and you’re just left disoriented and nauseous for the next half hour.

Jeff Bridges, IRON MAN
One of the few flaws to be found in IRON MAN, I found that Jeff Bridges – especially towards the end – was chewing scenery a bit too much, and was going a little too extreme with the whole moustache-twirling comic book villain route.

Eddie Murphy in MEET DAVE, Mike Meyers in THE LOVE GURU, and Adam Sandler in DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN
Okay, I didn’t see any of these films, but clearly I didn’t need to. I just really wanted to say to all these once funny guys … Please. Just stop. Seriously.